easy to say, hell to do. tying up the loose ends, saying all that needs to be said & laying it all out are the last things that need to be done. but the toughest part of it all is when all is done & the going about your life is what your taking on… the cool, calm & collected self you thought you’d be, begin to crumble into a hurt & vulnerable heart. its the feelings of longing & missing every time you see each other is a miserable task to try to suppress. its the hope that we’d be “us” again that i have to quickly crush. 

who knows if i’ll ever perfect this art & the length it will take. i’m praying that it happens soon cause i simply can’t do this. i struggled then & i’m sure it’ll be even worst now…

gotta be strong.

i am so blessed to have such an amazing group of people to share a passion & make moves with. a growth and a change has happen the past 11months within myself, that has greatly altered my mindset & perspective. making this creative & entrepreneurial vision come into fruition has been such a blessing. the process of it being an idea which turned into a dream & creating goals & making it all a reality has been quiet the journey so far. but my most favored part of the whole experience is getting to grow & find a chemistry between such talented & inspiring individuals. 

i am filled with excitement, focus & drive when the thought of these people & the purpose of this team, cross my mind. so many striking ideas & visions really make the time worth while. they inspire me beyond words. their determination drives me to burn my boats for the vision & dream within this team as well as my own.

& by the end of the week… the world will get a taste. a mere scratch at the surface of the bigger picture that will unfold.

we’re making things happen.

why is it that even though all things are said & done and you’re moving on with life… new revelations about the past still take a toll on your current state of being? relationship wise, for me, it really grinds my gears when i hear random stuff i didn’t know. even though me & that person are no longer together… it still bothers me!

maybe its a sense of deceitfulness & untruthfulness that still lingers with the new things i find out. i don’t know why i really decided to write on this but it was just a thought. i guess i’ll just journal about full details to myself.

just a word out for the men:
we females don’t like when you flirt with other girls, entertain sexual thoughts of other women toward you, & anything that falls within those lines. smh.

There is a definite new sense of insight when you hear from opinions that are from the outside looking in. It puts you in your place & causes you to re-evaluate many things that you let consume your mind. Its definitely interesting to finally realize the things that I so desperately shunned from my life is the one thing I subconsciously long for.

What was the reasoning as to why I became the monster I am? I honestly can’t even say but, I have realized I was a far more happier me a year ago from right now. I had my focus in line & on a journey to make the leap of faith but somehow along the way… through the course of the year, I lost that sense of me. .

I think… no scratch that… I KNOW now that I was far happier chasing my dreams & focusing on me. & somehow naturally the people I needed in my life placed themselves. This search & preparation for my 23rd year of life has definitely taken a new turn… & an interesting one at that.

So… Now I’m going to refer back to when my life seemed more in place. I will search the things that worked & the things that were great… Apply & finally really focus in.

Chasing people & things have gotten me in the depths of my current mindset… So now instead of that… I’ll be chasing my goals & dreams.

- daffodil